Kanye-Kim Kardashian-Pete Davidson drama has no winners

Over the past year, it’s been nearly impossible to avoid news about the unfolding drama between Kanye West (now known as Ye), Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson (believe me, I’ve tried). First, Kardashian filed for divorce from Ye in January 2021. Then, Kardashian and Davidson started dating the following fall. With Yi and Kardashian’s divorce proceedings coming to a close, the artist has begun making increasingly aggressive statements about both Kardashian and Davidson, including Name both of them on the public ‘beef menu’ Characterized by One of Davidson’s lookalikes who was kidnapped and beheaded in a video for “Eazy.”

Lots of drama played out on Instagram, culminating in Ye being temporarily banned by the platform after violating hate speech and bullying rules.

Lots of drama played out on Instagram, culminating in Ye being temporarily banned by the platform after violating hate speech and bullying rules. On Saturday, the rapper was banned from performing at the Grammy Awards due to “conduct related to online behaviour”. Before he was banned, a set of screenshots allegedly depicting a text conversation between Davidson and Yi appeared on the Instagram account of one of Davidson’s friends. The conversation begins with Davidson berating Yi for outspoken criticism of his ex-wife’s parenting skills, stating that Kardashian is “the best mom I’ve ever met,” and that Yi is lucky to be the mother of his children. Davidson goes on to say that he is “finished with silence” and that he will not allow West to treat the two of them this way anymore. When Yi replies, asking where Davidson is, he replies naked for his shirt in bed, quipped that he’s “in bed with your wife.”

In the media, this exchange has been framed as “defense” Kardashian, her current partner stands up to her alleged abusive ex-husband. On Twitter, some abuse survivors described him as “Sexual,” A joyous moment when another survivor gets the loving and protective partner she deserves.

But as a survivor, I didn’t feel this way at all. Honestly, the whole exchange made me feel a little sick.

Eighteen years ago, when I was first coming out of my own relationship, I might have felt a little differently. I grew up in an age of survivors’ revenge fantasies like “Foxfire,” which set out violently even with the aggressor as the best way to heal. I also bought into the idea that the best cure for a bad friend is a loyal partner who loved me enough to blame the person who abused me and stand up for me. The height of romance.

But over the years, my feelings began to change. A few years ago, I opened up to a partner about some of the ways men have violated me in the past. He immediately responded by telling me that hearing about the abuse made him want to fight these guys. I know it was meant to make me feel protected and cared for. Instead, it made me uncomfortable.

I attribute this change in outlook to several different things. Over the past two decades, revenge hasn’t, in fact, helped me heal, nor has I “restored” those who mistreated me. The most effective thing was to have space from him, to find the freedom to live my life free from his shadow. A partner who cheats on your ex via text message may not give you that freedom. They may encourage your ex to connect with you more — especially since, contrary to popular belief, many abusers are not subject to verbal taunts or even physical violence. They are activated by them.

And after all, the Kardashians are already permanently linked to Ye through their children. It doesn’t need anything to add fuel to the already potentially explosive state of co-parenting.

Nearly two decades of dating as an abuse survivor has taught me that partners who become more aggressive when they hear about my abusive ex-boyfriend, or other men who assaulted me – partners who want to “defend” me by bullying them back – aren’t actually the most angular partners in my life. , and most eager to respect me and respect my boundaries. Oftentimes, they were people who had anger issues and saw the aggressor as a safe and acceptable target for their anger. This is a big red flag.

And the partner who wanted to fight the former aggressor? We did not end up with good relationships. Our last exchange was a really bad fight that made me feel embarrassed and ashamed because I once imagined this person was “on my side”.

Getting out of an abusive relationship is tough, and survivors need all the help and support we can get. But from personal experience, trying to control and belittle the aggressor can mean just dealing with them on their own terms. It does not necessarily break the cycle of abuse. It does not necessarily help many survivors escape.



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