Oregon becomes an immediate contender for the Pac-12 title with DJ Uiagalelei

By landing DJ Uiagalelei in the transfer gate, Oregon State became an immediate contender for the Pac-12 title.

After a 10-win season with less than stellar quarterback play, Oregon successfully landed DJ Uiagalelei in the transfer gate.

Although he was briefly rumored to be going to Hawaii, DJ U wouldn’t be a sexy hamburger or Irish R&B singer. Vogel wouldn’t care, as long as he became an Oregon organ donor. Without a doubt, this is the best thing to happen to Oregon State sports since Adley Roachman went first overall for the Baltimore Orioles. Old Bay seasoning may bleed now, but DJ U is Beav, Baby!

Look at this simply majestic and undeniable beaver in all its newfound Oregonian glory!

Strife Aquatic just got a lot more interesting with the transfer of DJ Uiagalelei

What’s a civilian thing about war when you have Brothers Uiagalelei competing in The Strife Aquatic? Believe me. This rivalry game’s moniker will live on, just like fetch, or until it’s sponsored by an LA rock band to become The Guns ‘N Roses Bowl where the winner will be handed a candle by W. Axl Rose in the cold, November rain. Slash and Duff McKagan could never be prouder…

Truthfully, this move by the Beavers rocks harder than Les Claypool hitting the bass, mon, for Wynona, maybe even for Winona Rider. Stranger things have happened at Corvallis, like Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh winning the Vista Bowl before turning the Cincinnati Bengals seemingly overnight. Just ask Jonathan Smith about his greatest year at school.

Rampant beaver joke shenanigans aside, Oregon State is poised to be pretty good next season. They just won 10 games in a year where playing quarterback was a constant problem. Nolan’s chance hit the gate, while Ben Gulbranson has done some good things in the final two-thirds of the season. Even though the Pac-12 has become conference throwaway seconds, it’s not that bad!

The top half of the conference is the elite, and Oregon State should definitely still be a part of that. While Oregon, USC, Utah and Washington are all returning proven starters, Oregon State now has a man who can hold a candle to a cold November rain against an Oregon Ducks that will never beat Georgia in his life. Remember: God is an Auburn fan shouting from the bright skies above.

In the end, it will be up to Uiagalelei really making use of the five-star potential he had after graduating from high school. He has never really come close to this level of promise at Clemson. Fortunately, he will now play for one of the best coaches you’ve never heard of at Smith. If he can lead the Beavers to the Rose Bowl, all Clemson sins except Dabo Swinney will be forgotten.

Oregon is the official version of Iowa for 2021, but this candle is burning!

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