Texas head coach Steve Sarkissian praises his inner MC Hammer by shouting “U Can’t Touch This!” in the headphone jack.
Headphone Guy made a huge mistake with GOB Bluth touching Steve Sarkeesian at the Alamodome.
Not only can the Texans not come back, but the Longhorns coach can’t be touched. For a guy who wins about seven games a season, Sarkeesian overreacted like Neil Diamond tends to work behind the scenes whenever you make eye contact with him. The man is not a basilisk or a medusa, he is just a mortal with a modest mark as a football coach. He was without his mustard son, though…
I know this is a huge shock, but as it turns out, Sarkeesian didn’t need your touch.
We haven’t seen a guy this angry in San Antonio since the last time Gregg Popovich coached.
A touch too much: Steve Sarkeesian blasts as Live Wire on Headphone Guy
Maybe the headphone guy has a Midas touch? A touch too much on Sark, it’s clear that nothing gold can ever stay, Ponyboy. Would he collapse to the floor like an empty bowl Professor Quirrell would vacillate between stuttering and attacking the Harry Potter floors beneath where Fluffy sleeps? Alohamura would have highlighted Washington has Big Penix Energy, and Texas has the mullet.
Sarkissian may have grabbed a bow from the Golden Arches of America first football family in just a few weeks, but chicken doesn’t taste so good when you have to eat it with your face like you’re nibbling on apples at Jeff Banks’ Halloween party. No amount of monkey business will cure what’s ailing you. The only thing that is sweeter than sweet and sweet victory is ice cream sandwiches in prison.
And Texas is still far from making doves cry. We still find dead bodies in the back of our typical home freezer from time to time. Did someone take Sarkissian’s hard-boiled eggs out of the fridge? We haven’t seen someone blow out quite like this since Tobias Fünke was blue himself. Truthfully, we’ve seen Blue Devil explode on the sidelines after every time we’ve touched for decades.
It’s a touchy topic, but is there enough money in the banana stand to buy Sarkissian a future?
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