Brake alert: This post contains spoilers from the seventh episode of Season 5, Episode 7 of Yellowstone, “The Dream Is Not Me,” which premiered Sunday, December 18 on the Paramount Network.
Last week’s Yellowstone was an entertaining trip through the ranch, which served to illustrate the culture of The Gather, which is essentially a community party celebrating the brand of cattle. But in this week’s episode things get academic, as there’s a lot of talk about pipelines, land deals, livestock diseases, and the future of the beef industry. With the summary:
- Maybe I’m just a coastal elite invalid, but Young Rip (Kyle Reed-Silverstein) beats a fellow cowboy nearly to death simply because he was talking about the woman he loves has crossed the line from “chivalrous” to “psychotic.” Even with a knife dragging him… de-escalate with your words, oops!
- Furthermore, the sassy cowboy is named Kay Custer. bitchy?!? Young Rip: Rudy’s reputation precedes him with a name like that, so you probably only fight him in extreme circumstances. It is known to be noisy!
- Correction: Young Rip is actually I did Beat Rowdy to death. Yikes!
- This tale clearly explains the relationship between Rip and John (Kevin Costner). Good wallpaper!
- Jimmy (Wes Bentley) would certainly benefit from therapy – but not from someone he slept with.
- Ugh, Jimmy is such a bullshit to Sarah (Dawn Oliveri) and her bullshit… how can he not understand he’s playing?!?
- Wow, is Brazil really going to outpace the US cattle industry as massively as Sarah describes? Seemingly…
- “Look at all the sluts…” Ah, Beth, never change.
- to a path Summer (Piper Perabo) has a really disturbing view of marriage. It’s very early in the morning, summer! Nobody drinks coffee yet!
- Great question to Beth from the unknown from poor sweet Monica (Kelsey Aspel): “Why are you so mean?”
- I googled “brucellosis” and it seemed pretty bad. It can make humans sick too! In related news, “Yellowstone” should have Pop-Up Video-esque notes popping up on screen to explain cowboy stuff to the city’s occasional nerds. That would clear things up!
- Are the cowboys and cowboys messing with Summer by helping her raise the cattle? She is clearly shocked And the awful at that.
- There’s no way Rip could come down and live with the cattle in the new land, right? Beth will kill him.
- Yellowstone Ranch doesn’t have $1.4 million a month to spend on that cattle move? I thought the Duttons were rich as hell! They have their own helicopter!
- Uh oh, John will deal with the harsh political situation of having to take out a loan.
- Have Beth and John never talked about finances before? How did Beth come across this business model?
- Jimmy, listen to your assistant, Kate (Maria Julian). You may be the only person on this show who has your best interest in mind!
- I like Jimmy in a good way.
- Oh no, they will try to fire John! Actually, think about it… might that be for the best? He really doesn’t seem to care about the job or his constituents at all.
- So…the farm’s finances might collapse because John never Googled any competitors to see if they were doing business online? Beth didn’t do any deep research and cracked the code very quickly. It’s disappointing that Yellowstone’s downfall is that Jon is a baby boomer.
- Place your bets: Who will get into a fistfight at the county fair?
- Ah, Teeter (Jennifer Landon): Your incomprehensible accent and shocking libido are a gift to the show.
- I think Summer is right: This is the cutest kidnapping ever.
- Wait… is Clara (Lily Kaye) involved in the show’s first-ever bizarre make-out session? Huge news! Yellowstone has always been straight up boring…let’s make things a little more exciting!
- Jimmy’s repetitive speech… practice it when you’re less excited!
- I know the episode is technically over, but I’m obsessing over who should be having a gay romance on “Yellowstone.” Could Martin Sheen appear as one of John’s long-lost cowboy friends, hoping for one last fling? Will Summer and Beth get into another fight that turns into something…more? Will one of Jimmy’s Harvard brothers (played by, let’s say, Ian Somerhalder) come to his aid in a legal battle against John and offer… unexpected company? The possibilities are endless – please share any great ideas in the comments.
See you next Sunday night!
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