Predicting who will be the next MLB bowler to deliver the perfect game will be an impossible task.
Here I’m wrong, because I would 100 percent accurately predict the next bowler to deliver a perfect game in MLB.
Not since King Felix Hernandez was perfect against the Tampa Bay Rays a decade ago has a top bowler gone up the league by 27 points, 27 down. Ray starter Drew Rasmussen was close but no cigar on Sunday, as Jorge Matteo put a quick finish on that at St Pete with a one stroke of the paddle at the top of the ninth. In the end, someone will do what Hernandez once did. Until then, who’s next?
Given this impossible challenge, I could have been safe and picked future Hall of Famers like Clayton Kershaw, Max Scherzer or Justin Verlander. Truth be told, I secretly hate people who are much older than me, especially the big league shooters. Problems with power, I know. Although I wanted to go with Bartolo Colon with all the strands of my being, it kills me endlessly because it won’t, my friend.
Odds are he’s probably some dude we haven’t heard of for many decades from now.
Since I’m writing this, inject some Stache N Gas into my veins and let’s get moving with Spencer Strider!
Powered by Stache N Gas, Spencer Strider will be the next shooter to achieve perfection
The Atlanta Braves have won two world championships since I’ve been able to read, so that’s cool. But do you know what it is not? I don’t remember the last time they even disapproved. Oh, I remember Kent Merker just fine, but I don’t remember him at all making sure the 1994 Los Angeles Dodgers didn’t get a single hit. The season didn’t crown any champions anyway, so it was for nothing.
On the contrary, I remember well when the Braves had a great time against Randy Johnson and the Vipers. It was my sister’s tenth birthday. We saw it happen on the old Superstation before we cried tears of pain over our Dairy Queen ice cream cake. At least we have no problems putting out those ten sacred candles. More than anything, I want Strider to hit some snakes.
The stars will have to align in order for Strider to stay cool the next time the Braves play Snakes, but imagine this. Hottest Strider from Hell in late August, he’s riding town on his trusty horse. Blessed mustache hashtag Sam Elliott will be jealous of Mad, Strider clipping snakes like Jean-Claude Van Damme in hard goal. Strider will need to put on his cowboy hat.
After hitting some dude we’ve never heard of, Strider will run off the hill one last time like the ballerina she’s got. Braves Country will explode in a glow of glory as Chip Caray incredibly smashes his vocal cords. Imagine the greatest fly ball call of the warning track and multiply it by 6000 and you’re going there. They will build the Stache N Gas statue in the battery the next day.
Oh, that 100 trillion percent doesn’t happen, but if it does, you’ve got Debs on writing a book about it.
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